


The Blue Wedding

by Demofrantically



Category: British Politics - Fandom, GE 2015, Nick Clegg - Fandom, Politics - Fandom, david Cameron - Fandom, ed Miliband - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 13:01:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3937762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demofrantically/pseuds/Demofrantically
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief summary of the general election.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Blue Wedding

The day had gone well for Mr Miliband and his Labour friends. David Cameron had been gracious enough to invite them all along to a secret union between him and Nick Clegg. After a turbulent term in power, the couple had finally agreed to marry on the eve of election night.

The festivities were in full flow, as Ed decided that now would be an excellent time to put all their differences aside - if only for a moment - and give a toast to the healthy union of Cameron and Clegg. 

“A toast! Ed cried jubilantly, “to a happy coalition!” 

Everyone cheered loudly and raised their glasses. Ed smiled, and graciously took his seat again. Even David gave him a smug nod of acknowledgement as he did so. A drunk Nigel Farage seemed unable to contain himself as he staggered up to the Conservative table, before collapsing in a heap. 

There was a pause, and then silence filled the hall. 

“I hear, the honourable gentleman, Mr Miliband thinks that he can challenge me in the upcoming general election!” David Cameron proclaimed. “On this day, of all days I’m sure me and my convenient partner Mr Clegg can simply put that small piece of information aside, and celebrate as one!” There was a loud cheer and some raucous laughter as Labour, Liberal Democrat and Conservative politicians all happily joined in a chorus of “He’s a jolly good fellow!”

When the singing had died down, Cameron did not take his seat. “However,” he said, icily. “I feel that we, as Conservatives have been somewhat remiss with our duties as hosts! Why, we have not even offered you a complimentary GP visit, and no music! We must have music!” 

He clapped his hands and suddenly a large cohort of Violinists appeared on the galley above. They began to play the patriotic tune “Jerusalem,” quietly at first, but gradually building in intensity.

“And did those feet, in ancient times,” an ethereal voice sang from above.

Ed looked around warily, as if sensing some sort of trap. He turned to Nicola Sturgeon, who sat next to him. She smiled slyly at him and nodded. Ed was jolted back to his senses as the hall doors were slammed shut. What was going on? he wondered.

He leapt to his feet in shock, as knife wielding Conservative and Scottish National Party candidates leapt up suddenly, engulfing his fellow Labour politicians in a violent attack. He watched in horror as his allies were mercilessly slaughtered. Even Ed Balls screamed as a Conservative MP drove a knife into his stomach. The hall floor was covered with red blood.

Jerusalem ceased to play as crossbow bolts rained down on them from above. The musicians were a mere disguise, now they too hammered misery upon the Labour party. Even the Liberal Democrat MP’s were caught in the process, whether that was David’s intention Ed would never know.

An arrow caught Ed on the leg as he staggered out into the centre of the hall. David’s face was alight with triumph. “Enough!” Nick Clegg yelled. “Let this madness end.” He seized UKIP’s leader Nigel Farage and held him by the throat. “Stop this, or I shall destroy the man who helps you take votes off Labour! I shall do so with my knife - I call it First Past the Post,” he warned.

Cameron shrugged dismissively. “I’ll find another.” 

The Lib Dem leader cried out in pain as he too was caught with a bolt from above, but not before slicing the throat of Nigel Farage. Ed stared in disbelief. What had started as such a happy and positive night had led to devastation. 

The lone Justice Minister Michael Gove stepped out from the shadows.

“Rupert Murdoch sends his regards,” he whispered in Ed’s ear as he plunged the knife into his stomach.


End file.
